It's such a heart swelling feeling to know that there is someone in the world that completely unconditionally and with a pure heart loves me in which I created myself...
This morning was a little rough, I have a 7 year old son he is normal, destructive, doesn't fully understand that jackets or shoes cost money. During the course of school he has pretty much lost every jacket he owns. I try really hard to instill responsibility but in all honesty how much "responsibility" do you really bestow on a 7 year old child. I woke up at my normal 5 am alarm wake up call, it's June and it's raining out side. My son gets himself dressed every morning, while I run around getting ready. This morning I lost control and got frustrated with my son, I proceeded to allow my voice to be raised about not having a jacket, and or socks. I feel like I'm constantly repeating myself, and he is always challenging me. When I dropped him off at my mothers I always open the drivers door to give him a hug and a kiss before I watch him walk up. Today we hugged with tension because I was frustrated. He stood in the door and with such a little man sweet voice and a lump in his throat he said "I'm sorry mom for being a jerk and not having my jacket" at that moment my heart completely melted my eyes swelled with tears and I realized I was the one being the jerk, being woke up and being reprimanded over a jacket is a horrible way to wake up. By him apologizing I knew he herd me and grabbed my son and hugged him again whole heatedly at this point I was crying. I told him I too was sorry for speaking in the tone I did this morning and I didn't want to ruin his day that I loved him very much and he is my most favorite person in the world. This boy truly is my best friend and there are times I lose my self control (we are all human) I allow my frustration to take over my maturity and not realize I am speaking to a 7 year old child. He is an only child and I expect so much of him at times. I have to be his mother and his father more times than not and it gets really hard on me. If I'm all mush like mom's are supposed to be then he would walk all over me and when I'm stern at times it breaks my heart. We get so wrapped up in our everyday routine that sometimes as humans we lose site of the small little things. I made my son, my sweet little 7 year old child to feel like a jerk and be compelled enough to apologize for it. Today I felt like a bad person inconsiderate of my son's feelings he may be a child be he is a person and has feelings, by being frustrated and losing my cool is not teaching him how to handle his frustration is a correct manner, but some where down this long road of raising a child on my own I have seemed to teach him empathy and to apologize for his actions, he does listen to me although he is still a baby my baby his attention span is not of an adult and I need to be more patient and understanding and remember being 7 myself. Well this was my morning and that's why I started my blog with what I said today...that no matter how much of a JERK I am my son unconditionally loves me.
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