Acceptance

Entry 5

Happy Fourth of July 

This year fouth of July fell the day before pay day and the day after rent was due. This where it's hard to be a single parent with a single income in the home. So this is where you do what you got to do for your child to have a happy holiday. So rode along with friends and went to Cal Expo (it's free to get in and if you park far away enough you don;t have to pay for parking.) We may not of had our own personal firework show or sparklers to play with but I have an amazing support core group of friends that made my son's 4 th wonderful. What really gets to me is this....I can't imagine a single holiday that I don;t want to spend with my son, I even have a hard time going out on new years eve I always feel bad like I should be drinking apple cider with him and bringing in the new year with my boy. Well my son's father is now out of jail as a matter of fact he got out last Thursday, it took him 3 days to call his son and then promised him he would come see him Saturday or Sunday. Which never happened......false promises that cause disappoitment in my little boy's heart. (I tell his father to never tell him he is coming to see him but when he is on the phone with my son I can't stop the words that comes out of his mouth) Then at 9:30 at night on 4th of July my son's father decides to call.....he wants to "potray" he cares but when offered to talk to his son he denied it. I wish I could never speak to him again, not have anything to do with him. Doing this would be selfish on my part because my son needs his father, I know he is rarely present but I hope the times he gets attention from his father it bennifits him in some way. To know he has a father, and when he is around he loves him I guess. This is where acceptance comes into play, I need to accept the things I cannot change. I am a single mother, with a useless, uncaring co parent whom doesn't deserve to be called a father or dad....I hurt for my son espically when he asks me about his dad. I have to learn to accept that I am my son's mother and love him to the fullest possble amount a person can love their child, not care about if,how,or who else loves my son and try to give him the world.